Worried about relocating with your kids? Don’t know how to transfer your child to a new school, or how to get permission to move out of state? Yes, moving is hard. Yes, moving is stressful. And yes, moving with kids is hard and stressful. But let this guide help make this experience a little less anxiety-inducing so that you can focus more on the excitement of starting fresh in a new place.
Table of contents
Getting permission to move out of state with a child
If you are currently in a custody agreement with another parent or legal guardian, these steps are imperative if you want proper permission to move out of state with your child.
What defines a relocation?
Relocating is when you move either out of state or to a new area that impairs the ability of the non-relocating parent to exercise their custodial time with the kids. If you’re moving to another neighborhood or town that is still relatively close to the other parent, you are not involved in a relocation.
How do I get permission to relocate?
When relocating with kids, you must give written notice of your move to the other custodial parent or guardian. Depending on the state, you must give proper notice from 30 to 90 days in advance (research custody laws in your state to determine the legal amount of time in advance you must give your notice). The other custodial parent must then agree with the relocation, meaning if you don’t come to an agreement, you will either have to settle the dispute in mediation or court.
Typically, a court will evaluate the relocation based on a number of factors, including, but not limited to, whether or not the move will benefit the quality of life for both the kids and relocating parent, and that you are moving with good faith. Other factors, like if you are moving to a state closer to extended family who will help care for the child, may also help in getting permission. A parent with 50/50 custody will have a greater burden of proof than a parent with sole custody.
All of this can be avoided if you just come to an agreement with the other parent. Relocating without permission can result in fines or even jail time. Take this seriously.
How to transfer schools when moving
Transferring to a new school is relatively simple. Start by notifying their current school that you will be moving to a new area. Then start researching schools in your new district, finding the best programs, extra-curricular activities, and if your child has an IEP (Individualized Education Program), the best special education services. Do this process as soon as possible. Many schools have waiting lists and may not be able to offer their services if you wait too long.
Finally, enroll your child in their new school. You’ll have some paperwork to fill out, which the school will provide, and you will need to provide necessary doctor’s forms, like immunization records, as well as the records from their previous school, which will help them be placed in the right classes. High schools, however, are a completely different story (not to say it’s harder, just different).
Transferring High Schools
When moving to a new high school, you will first need to submit a transfer request. Apply a few months before you actually switch schools to give them time to review your request. Once you are approved, you will need to transfer the credits from their old school to the new one. If you are moving to another state or from a public school to a private one, some of their credits may not transfer. Don’t worry. Many schools combat this issue with placement tests so that your child does not fall behind. But the system isn’t perfect. Your child might need to take a few extra classes to meet the new school’s requirements, which could delay graduation. To avoid this issue, keep a close eye on which credits will transfer and which won’t.
The guidance counselor is often a valuable resource in navigating these issues. They will help get your child on a good course to success, so don’t be shy to ask them about proper solutions.
Helping them cope with their emotions
Moving is already stressful, but for your kids, the experience can often be a whole different type of anxiety, sadness, and dread. A New York Times article published in 2020 talked about how even a small move—where you don’t even leave a town or neighborhood—can still put a tremendous burden on your child. They are not accustomed to big, swooping changes to their everyday lives, and as a result, tend to react poorly to any kind of move, large or small. However, there are many ways to help your child cope with a move and help them adjust to their new environment.
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Tell them about the move as soon as possible
The earlier your child knows about the move, the more time they’ll have to prepare. Moving already feels like a very sudden shift in their lives, and although you might find it hard to break the news to them, it will help them in the long run. Include your child in the process. Remember to give them important details about the move: where they’re going, when they’re going, and what the new home will look like. Don’t tell them the move will happen in a broad area of time. Give them specific dates. Keep them informed.
Be aware and courteous of their emotions
It is very important to maintain a constant level of attentiveness to your child’s emotional state. They might take the move very hard (who can blame them?), and if their emotions are neglected or not properly cared for, they can often feel unincluded and unheard. Talk to them about what they’re feeling. Reassure them every step of the way. And give them reasons to be excited about the move. Relocating is stressful for everyone, but your kids will not be able to cope with these emotions like you can. They need constant love, support, and reassurance. Tell them it’s going to be okay. Because it will be.
Include them in the move
Let your kid be a part of the process. Allow them to pack their own room (with your supervision and instruction, of course). And let them make some of the decisions about what stays and what goes. Offer rewards and incentives to keep them motivated. And be sure to take breaks, so that it doesn’t feel like you’re overworking them. Don’t treat them as unimportant. Let them be a part of the move. To help prepare them for the move, use this guide so they know how to properly pack their valuables.
Conclusion
Moving can be painful, but it can also be the start of something amazing. When moving with kids, remember to be courteous of their feelings. Allow them to express themselves. And don’t let your stress negatively impact them. Your kids may not like the initial process. Moving to a new house is hard but transferring to a new school is even harder. But they’ll make new friends, learn new things, and sooner or later, they will call it home.
